There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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