There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
