Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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