My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
