singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
