Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
