I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
