i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
