dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
