So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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