yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
