it hurts more in the daytime
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
