he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
