We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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