mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Randomize
