u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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