Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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