Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
