Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
