sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hippo gnu deer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
