Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
