sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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