How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Still dying that you shit outside
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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