1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize