Kiss
Puke
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
