i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
