ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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