operation have a gay friend backfired
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize