Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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