I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
