you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
