I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
