I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
