Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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