I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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