That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
