my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
