I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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