take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
