It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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