You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize