Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
