i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
