I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
