I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
