the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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