and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize