i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
