I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
