he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
