I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
