Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
