Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
