Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
