What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
