I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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