i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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