Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We don't watch enough power rangers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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