she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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