i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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