his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
