somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
