It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
