how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
