I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
