I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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