she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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