1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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