Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
