piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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