So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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