her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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