i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize