Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
